


When Tomorrow Comes

by Crowillow



Category: Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation, Mo Dao Zu Shi, 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV), 魔道祖师 - 墨香铜臭 | Módào Zǔshī - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character Death, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M, I'll add more tags later, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jiang Cheng dies and he deserves better, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Multi, References to Drugs, be nice, jiang Cheng kills himself
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-14 23:42:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28554084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crowillow/pseuds/Crowillow
Summary: It was Jiang Cheng’s last day on Earth and when tomorrow comes his loved ones are left to pick up the pieces.Lan Huan sits in the plastic blue chair in a circle of agony, depression, and grief as his hands clutch opposing wrists, nails digging in deeply, harshly, scratching to break flesh.  “Why did he do it?” he’s deep-breathing as moisture gathers underneath swollen eyelids, and he wants his pain to replace pain. “Why did he want to die?”Xue Yang gave a bitter laugh as he played with his switch-blade, “Didn't you know? He didn’t want to die, not really. He wanted to end his pain.” he sneers as his blade idly traces the clear scars that cross his wrists.
Relationships: Jiang Yanlin/Jin Zixuan, Lan Wangji/Wu Wuxian, Lan Xinchen/Jiang cheng, Lán Huàn/Jiāng Chéng, ill add other's later?
Comments: 24
Kudos: 141





	1. Preface

**Author's Note:**

> Depression, is awful, and I seriously wonder how Jiang Cheng had not attempted too even try? He literally lost everyone, and I honestly feel like he deserves a little better. Also, just you know, my depression. My friend suggested I write out this story and see if it helps me release some of the grief I'm holding in.

Today  _ is _ Jiang Cheng’s last day on Earth.

The sun, still shrouded in hues of purple and blue, curls neatly between his half opened window blinds, and he slowly wakes while rubbing the sleep from his indigo eyes that remained slanted in frustration, tiredness, apathy, and anger. Today, however, as he slips quietly from beneath his bed sheets the soft carpet clinging to his bare feet, his resignation is the only emotion that shows. 

Resignation and defeat.

Today is Jiang Cheng’s last day on Earth and the calendar with today’s date circle proves that the seventeen-year old had been planning it for a while now. The rest of the house is quiet and Jiang Cheng takes his time to say his goodbyes as he dresses for the final time in his favorite color purple and the metal lotus flower that hangs from his neck is a cool mixture of comfort and pain. 

Today is Jiang Cheng’s last day on Earth, and he absentmindedly makes his bed neatly for the first time in years before leaving his last words on his pillow. Jiang Cheng is mindful of the way he walks as he peers into his siblings rooms one final time in a moment of selfishness before he walks out the door and heads towards Lotus Bridge.

Today  _ was  _ Jiang Cheng’s last day on Earth.


	2. Lan Huan (Funeral)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grief is a madness of it's own as Lan Huan learns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was heavy to write, but my heart feels a little lighter. I took some aspects of what my brother did to comfort me after my friend's funeral. It's been five years since he committed suicide and I'm still healing. I know that is okay, healing takes time, they say.

No one can tell you how painful it is to lose someone you love until you do. The gut-wrenching pain that seems to swallow your heart while simultaneously you breathe and drown. How only a fuzzy echo seems to engulf you as your consciousness fades in and out. “Remember Jiang Cheng, the brother, son, boyfriend, and the friend who was good, and kind, and courageous.” 

The rain plops loudly on the umbrella in a melancholic tune that's tied with his broken heart. He’s rasping for air and trying with all his might not to throw himself into the grave to be buried alongside his boyfriend. The agony he is experiencing is bone deep, and he can’t seem to stop the down pour of tears that flee from his swollen eye sockets. Lan Huan watches the wailing of Yanli and the catatonic expression of Wei Ying, and for a moment he feels selfishly guilty of his pain. 

Guilty because while he was the boyfriend, Jiang Cheng had been Yanli and Wei Ying's brother. Lan Huan had his liberty to grieve, but he knew that the Jiang family had even more of- his brain is swimming in grief, pain, and dare he say rage?

Lan Huan had never felt such a rage in his life until now, and he is raging at the rain, at the sky, at God who allowed such a fierce and compassionate person to die. It did not matter if it had been by their own hand, God had failed. He was raging and raging, drowning too, and why can’t he stop crying?

“Huan-ge,” Lan Huan cuts off the half-sob that leaves his mouth as he turns to his brother, whose own eyes demonstrated both concern and grief. “The burial is over my brother.”

Lan Huan gives a slow blink as he takes in his surroundings, realizing everyone else but himself and Lan Zhan had already left. “Oh,” he croaks his voice sore from the nonstop screaming and grief that he expresses alone in his room. “I’m sorry, Lan Zhan. Let us go home.” Lan Huan refuses to look at the fresh display of dirt as he attempts to walk to his car.

“Yanli wanted you to have this, Huan-ge.” Lan Zhan whispered softly as he held his brother by the arm when he stumbles over the gravel. “She said it was,” he pauses for a moment to clear his throat as he takes the keys from his brother and forces him into the passager side. “Yanli said this was on him when he died, and she knew he treasured it well.”

The cool piece of a metal necklace is gently placed in his hands, and he knows it’s the necklace he had given Jiang Cheng for their first anniversary a few years beforehand. A purple lotus because Jiang Cheng had reminded him of the delicate but determined flower that grew in muddy water. “Didi, it hurts.” he whispers as he brings the cool metal to his lips with a sob-filled kiss.

“I know.” Lan Zhan responds as he gives his older brother a side glance as he turns the car on and heads for the main road.

  
  


_Lan Huan had met Jiang Cheng at the hospital where he was volunteering on his days out of school. “Oh, hello.” he greeted with a warm smile as he strode into the room with a tray of cafeteria food. “You are Jiang Cheng, correct?”_

_The young teenager, at least two years younger than him, at most turns with his sharp indigo-blue eyes in his direction. Lan Huan finds himself amused at the scowl and can’t truly help the admiration he has for the boy who he could tell right away was a fighter. “What the fuck you want?” is the brisk retort he is given and for some reason that makes him smile more._

_“I’m Lan Huan.” he introduces as he sweeps into the room like a dancer and places the tray on the table next to Jiang Cheng’s bed. “I volunteer here on the weekends!” he chirps happily as he invites himself to sit in the visitor’s chair by the blue-eyed boy’s bed._

_“It’s Friday.” Jiang Cheng dryly utters as his eyes take in the perky teenager before him._

_Lan Huan senses the flush against his cheeks as he adverts his honey-brown eyes away from the grumpy teenager. “I volunteer on Fridays and the weekends.” he amends his previous statement._

_“Why the fuck are you telling me for?” the boy frowns at Lan Huan as he grabs the cup of pudding from the tray. “Werido.” he tacks on through a bite after he wrestles for a moment to open the pudding cup._

_“Oh, I’m sorry.” He apologizes softly keen embarrassment, settling deeper into his bones. “My friend Nie Mingjue says I’m too energetic sometimes and that it causes me drive people over like a train on a track. I can leave now if I’m bothering you.”_

_Jiang Cheng pauses mid bite to stare at him with an tense gleam Lan Huan swears could drown people. “You can stay if you want.” he grunts as he swallows the chalky flavored chocolate. “You can’t be as weird as my brother.”_

_Lan Huan gives out a delighted chuckle as he scoots himself closer to the bed, “You have a brother too?” he asks with the eagerness of a kindergartner on their first day of school._

_“Wei Ying, he’s adopted.” Jiang Cheng says as he scoops another bite of pudding with his plastic spoon. “My cousin was nine when Aunt Cangse and Uncle Changze died in an accident. They were on their way to pick him up from school when a drunk driver hit them.” Jiang Cheng’s briskness grows soft as his pink tongue licks the spoon like a kitten does for milk. “We’ve been together since we both were nine.” Lan Huan can discern past the scowl that rests on the younger teen's face and to the softness and fondness that he clearly has for this person who he claims as his brother._

_“I have a younger brother.” Lan Huan confesses with clear pride twinkling in his eyes that seemed to shine like liquid gold. “His name is Lan Zhan, and he’s currently at Guqin practice.”_

_“Guqin?” Jiang Cheng’s scowling face morphed into one of cute confusion that strangely has Lan Huan inwardly melt at the sight of it. “That’s kind of antique but cool?” he ends on the edge of politeness, though his eyes clearly state the word boring loud and clear._

_“Our uncle teaches classical music at Gusu University and growing up he taught us both how to play an instrument.” Lan Huan eyes mirthful as he takes in the pout when Jiang Cheng realized he devoured the pudding and had no more to eat. “I play the Xiao.”_

_“I used to play soccer?” Jiang Cheng offers as he places the empty pudding cup down next to the dry sandwich he refused to eat._

_“Used to?”_

_Jiang Cheng glances away from Xinchen then and concentrates intently to the art hanging on the pristine white wall. “I got an infection that ate away at one of my kidneys. My foolish older was a match and so in his stupidly loving way gave me his.” he pauses his lips twisting into a bitter smile. “I’ll always be frail compared to before and I’ll get colds easier too. I can’t take any hits to the side or that could mess up the work the doctors did to fix my broken self.” He muses dryly before he pauses and turns to look at Lan Huan with wide eyes as he realized he spilled his personal life to a complete stranger. “Did you drug the pudding?”_

_Lan Huan inclines back from the bed in surprise at the random accusation thrown his way, “No?” He pauses for a moment, realizing Jiang Cheng was lightly blushing underneath the dimmed bulb light. “I’m not qualified or authorized to touch any type of drug in any capacity.”_

_“Then how the fuck did I spill all my personal shit to you like that?” he grumbles, observing Lan Huan as if he was a demon in disguise. “I don’t even talk to my siblings about my feelings.” he sneered in the end._

_Lan Huan could only give the grumpy teen a helpless smile, “I’ve been told I have a calming presence?” he mused as he twiddled his thumbs together. “I promise I won’t repeat what you’ve said to me.” the sincerity of his statement is clear._

_“Demon!” Jiang Cheng accused lightly and if Lan Huan squinted his eyes exactly to the side, he could see the slight smile that was at the edge of the chocolate pudding eater’s lips._

  
  


As soon as Lan Huan reached home he found himself curled in his bed with the clock on his nightstand, ticking quietly away, and he’s never felt more heart-wrenching as he clutches the necklace against his chest until now. Lan Huan savors the gradual fading smell of Jiang Cheng’s scent in his sheets from the last time they had sex, and he cries as his chest burns with want. Desperate, fragile want and the need for the world to return to normal with Jiang Cheng alive in it. “A-CHENG!” he screams into his pillow as he chokes on his spit and tears.

“A-CHENG COME BACK!” Lan Huan begs as his hand grips the necklace without care of cutting off circulation. “BRING HIM BACK!” The honey-eyed boy howls as he stumbles from his bed to the floor in a mist of raging pain. “BRING HIM BACK! COME BACK!” His throat is sore, and he knows his screaming can be heard through the house as he picks up one of his shoes and throws it at the full length mirror hanging on his closet door. “JIANG CHENG!” The name leaves his lips in a desperate plea as his bare feet purposely stand on top of the broken shards of mirror glass. “BRING HIM BACK NOW! NOW! PLEASE I’LL DO ANYTHING JUST BRING HIM BACK!” he knows he is edging himself into hysterics as he allows the glass to dig further into the soles of his feet.

“Xichen open the door!” The pleading and worried tone of Nie Mingjue begs as he bangs on the door.

“GO AWAY!” Xichen screams in rage as he picks up the lamp from his desk and throws it at the door in response.

“DAMN IT, A-HUAN!” Mingjue roared as he slammed against the door with his full weight. “OPEN THE DOOR!” he demands as he literally rattles the handle.

“GO,” he chokes on air as he falls on top of the broken glass, one hand still clutching the necklace, the other his chest where his heart was pumping itself wildly in raging pain. “AWAY!”

In the companionship of flesh digging into glass and his grief so heavy, he feels the world blend into muted colors as if he’s drowning in water. “I,” Mingjue began with a huff as he managed to finally slam the door open and tumble into a wreckage of rage and pain. “Won't.” He ended as he bent down on his knees and laid a hand on Xichen’s shaking shoulder. “I will never leave you, Xichen.” Olive green eyes tense with worry as he ducked down to stare in blurry honey-red ones. “A-Huan, let it out.” He softly whispered as he placed his other hand on top of his grieving friend's head. “Let it all out, I’m here.”

“DA-GE!” Lan Huan cried in misery as he leaned into his friend’s embrace as he was gently pulled away from the glass. “IT HURTS! IT HURTS SO MUCH!” Lan Huan sobbed as he finally dropped the necklace he had been holding to grip the front of Mingjue’s shirt with both his hands and tugged. “MAKE IT STOP! WHY WON’T IT STOP? MINGJUE MAKE THE PAIN STOP!” Lan Huan had taken to throwing punches at his friend's chest in his rage and grief.

Mingjue allowed his friend to rage and cry as he pulled him into an even tighter hug and gave soothing pats to his back. “I know it hurts, I know.”

_**Mingjue wanted to punch Jiang Cheng in the face for being so fucking selfish.** _


	3. Jiang Yanli (6 Months)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yanli tries to live with the fact she failed in her duty as an older sibling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I nearly had myself an episode in Walmart today, but I managed to make it back to my car before I burst into tears of frustration, self-loathing, and embarrassment. And the whole situation wasn't even my fault in the first place.

The Jiang household never particularly felt much like a home to Jiang Yanli, who grew up with yells, scowls, and biting insults much like her little brothers Wei Ying and Jiang Cheng. As the eldest sibling, it was her duty to protect her younger siblings, and she had failed entirely at the only duty she had been given. Yanli had failed to realize the utter pain and suffering her baby brother had been going through to the point he had taken his own life. 

The Jiang household, a well-known war zone from an unloved marriage due to Yanli being conceived between two intoxicated teens long ago, was now a place that stood between tension and despair as the one room in the entire house was shut away for the past six months in an attempt by the parents to forget the son who once lived and resided there. “Wei Ying?” Yanli whispered softly as she opened the door to a room that now left an air of deeply consumed grief along with a gaping hole of anguish to claw deep into her chest. It was a room she had refused to step in since the day Jiang Cheng threw himself off their childhood bridge and yet here she was on the edge of the foothold to pain as she heard the sobs of one of the few bright things she had left in her life.

“Yanli-jie.” Wei Ying looked up to his adopted sister with red-rimmed eyes glazed over in grief while the stench of booze from the empty bottles of liquor caused her nose to burn in slight disgust.

“Oh, A-Ying.” Yanli croaks with sorrow that burrows deeply into her heart as she drops to her knees after shutting the door to Jiang Cheng’s room and proceeds to pull her only remaining brother left into her arms. “A-Ying, I’m sorry.” _‘I am sorry I failed you and A-Cheng’_ is her unspoken thought.

“A-jie, it hurts.” The eighteen-year-old slurs as he leans his head against his sister’s shoulders and muffles his sob into her shirt’s shoulder. “I hate myself.” He hiccups the confession as he kicks one of the empty bottles away with his foot. “Why didn’t I notice something was wrong? Why didn’t he speak on how he was feeling to us? Why write it down in notebooks and leave us with an empty room much like our grieving hearts?” He angrily sobs while pounding his fist onto a stack of compositions she noticed were stacked unopened next to him.

“I do not know, A-Ying.” Yanli answers softly the truth of the matter, hurting so much that on the bad days her grief and rage is all devouring in her heart, and even then, on the halcyon days, she feels numb to the bone as if she had decided to dance naked in a blizzard storm. “Maybe A-Cheng was scared of what we would say or how we might have reacted to his opinions and thoughts.”

“Nothing’s been moved except the notebooks I found hidden underneath his bed.” Wei Ying mumbles into her shoulders before lifting his head to take another sip of the bottle resting between his legs, ignoring the words his sweet and compassionate sister had spoken. “It’s like time stopped and any moment A-Cheng is going to slam the door open with his usual temper yelling at me to get out but not actually meaning it.”

“Then I would hear you two arguing and come soothe both of your wounds by offering my soup.” Yanli continued softly with a broken smile while her eyes took in her brother’s room. The glass cup now empty remained in the same position she had placed it in the night before Jiang Cheng’s death and the homework now past due remains untouched on his desk collecting dust along with everything else in the room. A sob leaves her throat then as she realizes her brother was not coming back and that this room only holds items that Jiang Cheng brought to life with his fierce laughter and compassionate hugs.

“A-Cheng must have been hurt a lot inside and as his elder brother I failed to notice him developing the tunnel vision that led to him doing the one thing I imagined he wouldn’t do.” Wei Ying wept as he leaned over Jiang Yanli to grasp the pillow still in the same position the deceased teenager left it in. “Jiang Cheng even made the bed before he left the house.” A bitter and gut-wrenching scoff leaves Wei Ying’s mouth as he squeezes the pillow to his chest, inhaling the fading scent of his brother. “You know I woke up briefly that morning to my door opening and I had the brief thought for a moment to get out of bed but my lazy good for nothing ass didn’t. If I had only gotten out of the fucking bed I could have stopped him!” Wei Ying ends the rant while screaming his rage, sorrow, and regret into the pillow.

Yanli rubbed Wei Ying’s back in a soothing manner as she licked away the salty tears from her lips, which were turned down in deep-seated sorrow. “I think even if you had managed to stop him that day he would have found another way to end his life.” she whispers as her hand motions for the drunk Wei Ying to lay his head in her lap. “I imagine people who want to die are so drowned in darkness, desolation, and hopelessness that they often lose sight of the people, offering them a loving and helping hand. They’re sorrow, pain, and agony which is so soul crushing that they forget the people they leave behind who loved them.”

“Yanli-jie, it amazes me sometimes how words are like a sharp knife, and yet nobody cares about the person being stabbed by it until after their already gone.” Wei Ying gave a wet self-deprecating chuckle. “A-Cheng only passed his pain to us like a cut from a knife and there are fleeting moments of raging pain that makes me want to somehow find a way to punch Jiang Cheng for it.” Wei Ying pauses for a moment to turn his head to peer up at Yanli with red-rimmed eyes full of devastation and Yanli’s soul **_hurts_**. “I think A-Cheng was selfish.” He confesses softly before returning his head to her lap for comfort he knew would barely make a difference to his slowly dying heart.

“I guess A-Cheng’s choice was selfish in a way he left us all behind in pain without remembering the people who loved him so greatly. I also consider A-Cheng honestly believed suicide was the only option he had to end his pain and suffering.” Yanli paused for a moment to clear her throat while wiping the sticky tear trails off her face. “In the end, the only person who understood A-Cheng thoughts was A-Cheng himself.”

“I’m so angry at him.” 

Yanli gave Wei Ying a mournful smile as she allowed her fingers to glide through his hair in an attempt to comfort them both, “It’s okay to be angry at him.” she confesses softly. “It’s okay to miss him too. It’s okay to cry for him and for him to be the reason of your tears. It’s okay to hold your breath for a moment and it’s also okay for you to breathe deeply when you have a chance to. You’ll learn it’s okay to function on the clear days and that on the bad days you don’t have to function at all. Then one day you’ll know it will be okay to laugh, to hope, to love, to remember him fondly, and that it’s okay to smile when you think of him.” Yanli allows Wei Ying to cuddle her other hand to his clearly wet cheek caused from his nonstop crying. 

“When did my Yanli-jie become so wise?” Wei Ying teased softly, letting out a barely humorous chuckle.

“Jin Zixuan has been a strong rock for me these last few months surprisingly.” Yanli mumbles as she tries to keep her yawn at bay. 

“That Peacock!” Wei Ying grumbled and if they both ignored another voice of protest that should have been there, it was only known to them. 

“Huaisang stopped by today.” Yanli stated quickly to change the subject away from her boyfriend and his tactlessness. “He finished developing the pictures off that old camera of his.” she paused in her strokes only to bring her trembling hand to her mouth to hide another clearly exhausted yawn. “Told me he thought we deserved to have all pictures of A-Cheng free of charge.” she ended in a whisper. 

“Does he appear okay to you, Yanli-jie?” She could hear the frown in Wei Ying’s slurry voice mixed with his own brand of sorrowful exhaustion. “Nie Huaisang was one of A-Cheng’s best friends, and he didn’t even come to the funeral!” he ended with a minor amount of ire.

“Wei Ying, everyone deals with their grief differently.” Yanli reprimanded her brother as she gave a light tug to his hair. “Our parents are good examples of that.” This confession made Yanli’s shoulders droop as if a tower of bricks had been placed on her shoulders. “I heard them discussing A-Cheng the other day.”

“Were they dismissing him like usual?” Wei Ying sneered as he pushed himself up from Yanli’s lap to take another sip of his alcohol. “He’s dead, can’t they at least let him rest in peace.” The grinding of teeth is a tale of prolonged frustration Wei Ying had held over the way their parents had treated them over the years.

Jiang Yanli knew she couldn’t even defend her parents from the insult they were given. How many times over the years had Yanli watch her father favor his brother’s son over his own instead of loving them all like equals. Nevermind the simple fact he paid her not an ounce of affection as she reminded him of the biggest mistake he had done in his life. Yu Ziyuan was no better either with her bitter heart that she used to lash out; mainly to Wei Ying out of the three of them. Jiang Cheng and her simply never did enough to earn her approval in anything. Yes, her parents had been comparatively cruel to all three children who only asked to be loved. “They’re going to sell A-Cheng’s stuff.”

“What!” hissed Wei Ying and the bottle he throughly emptied went sailing across the room, smashing itself against the opposite wall. “Do they want to simply erase A-Cheng to the point it was like he was never born! Haven’t they done enough to all three of us? How cruel and callous must you be to simply pack away and pretend Jiang Cheng’s suicide did not happen?”

“I imagine somewhere in their hearts they are hoping to pack away their pain.” Yanli spoke softly as she knew deep down her parents did love them in their own twisted manner.

“Well they can’t!” Wei Ying spat stumbling on his feet for a moment as he stood up too quickly. “None of us can hardly pack away the pain and grief that A-Cheng left for us to be devoured by. If I have to suffer so should they, Yanli-jie!” Yanli hears the sorrowful rage hidden beneath her brother’s tone as she watches him bend down and pick up the notebooks he had knocked over in his drunken struggle to stand. “We can’t let them erase, A-Cheng, we can’t!” Wei Ying grips the hidden words of his brother towards his chest as he gives Yanli a gaze of utter desperation while he pleads in drunken hysteria.

Yanli desperately wants this pain and all ravaging grief to stop hurting herself and the people she cared for. She begs still in the depth of her heart for Jiang Cheng to traipse through the door to his room with his usual scowl and laugh at how drunk his brother was. “Of course we won’t let them.” Her firmness is in both her tone and the way her eyes glint with unshed tears about to fall.

**_Yanli wants to hug Jiang Cheng and show him how much he was loved._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are like delicious cookies to the writer. (If ya didn't know. >.>)
> 
> I also might have made some FMV of the Untamed.. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rz2uMZZk0dI

**Author's Note:**

> Self-deprecation side note: That is a real suicide note I wrote for myself many moons and stars ago. Writer politely asks please be kind, my heart is a fragile thing.


End file.
